I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
