I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
