You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
