i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
