omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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