I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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