you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
