glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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