I am spending my child support on dildos
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
