Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
