If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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