i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
