this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
