At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
