Did I show you my penis last night?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
