I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
