Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
