So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
