Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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