Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize