he wants to bone in the snuggie
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
tell me about the eggs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
