she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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