The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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