i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
