Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
