making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
