I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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