I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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