I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
