i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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