the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
