The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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