May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
