Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
