I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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