It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
