Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
