guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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