Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize