Screwed.edu
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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