I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
