I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
