We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
