keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
