So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
