Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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