ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i permit you to call me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
