Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
