We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
