getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
