New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
