So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
