I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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