i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
operation harelip BJ is a go
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
