I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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