I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
