And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
