pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
