Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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