I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Your tits are I can't wait for
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
