It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
