Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
