i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
