I will die if light touches me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
