And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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