My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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