Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
