Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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