Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
