if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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