return my video game
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
