My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
