Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
